Thursday, February 19, 2009

Do Men like Women with a strong mind?

Disclaimer: All opinions and views expressed in this hub are based on my personal experiences and by no means they represent a particular group as a whole.

Recently I was having discussion with a friend of mine here on hub pages. The topic came to discussing about "strong women". Now first of all strong can mean different things to different people. Hence to me strong means a person who is a emotionally, intellectually and spiritually strong.

Around this time last year when I went to India as per parental wishes I met a guy at my parents place. He was from a nice family, possessing our "traditional" values and pretty decent looking. He works for one of the top IT company in India. I met him and we spoke for a few minutes. During the first meeting he didn't ask me anything in particular. But the next day over the phone he wanted to talk to me a little more(I was happy that he was showing interest in me). He was asking about my education and career which was already told to him but never the less I just gave a recap. When he asked me what I felt about India I gave a good reply that India is booming with opportunities and I see an exciting future for it. I wasn't sure why he asked me that question but I didn't specifically say that I would just drop everything and relocate to India or he should consider relocating to US(felt it was far too early to go into all that). And also since such things aren't as important for me personally then marrying the right person. If the person is right I would relocate to India too(so far at least that has been my stance). And he asked me about my education I was explaining about our University campus and life in US (I only once went to a pub that too just to see how it looks from the inside which I told him). I didn't tell him that I don't drink or whether I was involved in anything else that a traditional girl from our culture shouldn't be involved in(as such things are understood and not to be told in so many words). When he asked me whether the University life was fun I said that I was focussed on my studies but during the break we went on a road trip to Mount Rushmore/Chicago which was a lot of fun(we were 3 girls and 2 boys) with numerous funny incidents. Actually just to share one such incident in Sioux city a White lady asked us whether girls in India marry snakes? Although we were stunned with that question but I replied that it is true and no wonder bollywood heroines are so slim due to this genetic contribution. Now she had a puzzled look to which I explained that we were joking and it wasn't true. Another Incident was the boys in our group wanted to take a snap with a person who was fully dressed in "Native Indian" attire near the Crazy Horse memorial. After taking those pictures he asked us where we were from(since we were talking in Hindi) we told him that we are from India then he said "that fellow columbus went to find you guys and found us since then we have known no peace".

Anyway coming back to the present discussion of my conversation with the boy. Thus I was explaining various things and gave him a brief sketch about my life in University and later about my present Job (which I have already shared in another hub about myself). During those 3/4 days on the phone we were talking and getting to know each other. But all of a sudden one day without letting me know in person he stopped calling me. I wasn't sure what happened then I came to know through my parents that the boy's side felt I was too "independant" and strong for his son. Anyway that certainly was a wake up call for me to be more careful in the future. After that I got a thorough marriage portfolio done and left back for US with some lessons learned.

I have a very close Indian friend here in Seattle and she tells me it takes a while to get adjusted in marriage. She has two kids one son aged 9 years and daughter aged 7 years who take to soccer and ballet classes respectively. She said that her husband is very cooperative and helpful in domestic chores but during the initial phase of the marriage it wasn't so perfect since some times in India some men who have grown up with seeing there parental roles of father and mother grow up in adult life with the same attitudes. Not that my friend is feminist or anything. She is a very practical woman. She even told me once that if it were not for good public schools in our school district she probably wouldn't have stayed at home(she was working earlier) since with one income they can't afford to pay for the private school fees for their kids. She is a very active person who maintains a nice backyard(in summer with various vegetables) and also does some freelance IT (recruitment consulting) staying at home besides taking care of their kids(I just wanted to mention this as staying at home isn't a bed of roses either). Hence in life one deals with situations as they come along. Even I feel there are no absolutes in life and we have to deal/work with the challenges/scenario as we face them to succeed in life. If we feel family is being neglected and family happiness is a greater priority then personal career or goals then we have to work on that. Going against the scenario doesn't achieve anything but working with our ground realities makes for a fulfilling happy lives(although it also depends a lot on our partners attitudes/efforts too).

All I seek is opinions whether men think that women who are dependant on them make for a "better" wife. Do some of you think that women who are well educated and who also bring an additional income are somehow having more "ego" hence difficult to deal with. Or neither of these and a strong woman can be an advantage in dealing with so many issues & challenges in life.

1 comment:

  1. Well I have read your whole story but couldn't find any sense with respect to strong women or men.
    In my opinion if both the partners are well educated and the girl can bring more money into the home by doing job, this would be the extra thing which she would be doing for the family and her husband and husband's family should regard this. Rather they should take extra care of her as she is working shoulder to shoulder with her husband.
    Strong women are liked by almost all men except those who have strong so called ego. But in my opinion both husband and wife are equal and have equal right on each other and most important thing is this relationship is trust which both should have on each other.